One sibling excelling more than the other

Learn about: One sibling excelling more than the other from Pamela Varady, PsyD,...
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One sibling excelling more than the other

Sometimes you'll have in a family, one sibling that just excels at everything. Life comes easy to them. They are good in school. They are good in sports. They have musical ability. The other sibling doesn't really shine anywhere. In fact, most of us really don't shine anywhere. We don't have any particular talents, per se. Sometimes, you have in the family this unevenness. What you can do, as a parent, to help, is to focus on being kind and working hard. Anybody can learn how to be kind, have empathy and compassion. Anybody can learn to work hard. So, if we are praising Johnny because, "Wow, those are so many math problems. You are not giving up, even though they are so tricky. You are really persistent. Thank you for working so hard." He doesn't have to be a math whiz like his brother, in order to get attention, in order to feel good about himself. When I talk about praise, I always talk about descriptively praising, as if you are shooting a video. You say what you see. "I see how hard you are trying. You're remembering to put a capital letter at the beginning of each sentence and a period at the end. That's fantastic. When you were six, you couldn't remember that. Now that you are seven, you remember it all. I notice how hard you are working to make the sentences neat, the way your teacher wants you to. You really--" See how I am linking it to a value? "You really are persistent. You really are a good student. You really listen." That's descriptive praise.

Learn about: One sibling excelling more than the other from Pamela Varady, PsyD,...


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Pamela Varady, PsyD


Dr. Pamela Varady is a Child and Adult Psychologist and sought-after parenting expert. She has appeared as a relationship expert on NBC, Discovery Health Network, The Today Show and Fox TV.  Dr. Varady wrote a workbook, 15 Minutes To Sibling Harmony and conducts seminars and Purposeful Parenting Classes throughout Southern California. In addition, Dr. Varady operates Dynamic Learning and Listening Center for children with special needs with her husband, Dr. Jackson Varady and sister, Dr. Jennifer Glasser, who are also psychologists. Pamela lives in Santa Monica with her husband and 13 year old twin boys.



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