Whether the loss you’ve experienced is your first pregnancy or a subsequent one, the question is probably going to come up, “What’s next?” Four our family, Duncan was our second son. We had at the time a 1.5 old Seth, and many people bothered to tell us, “You should be grateful, you have a child. You need to just stop.”
But our family wasn’t done. We knew that. We wanted more children. But yeah, the question was still there. We had just suffered this huge loss. How were we going to get pregnant again? How were we going to go 9 months thinking everything’s okay until it’s not.
It’s a huge question and it’s different for every couple. My husband and I actually weren’t on the same page. He was terrified of another pregnancy. I wanted to get pregnant right away. I was ready to go. We eventually got to the right decision for us and we conceived our daughter and she’s here and she’s wonderful.
But I can tell you that I’m currently pregnant. There’s a baby. And I’m terrified. I’m terrified. Someone asked me recently, “Oh, at what point are you going to be okay? Like 18 weeks, 20 weeks? 24?” And I honestly told them, “I’m not. Today I’m pregnant and I love my baby. But I’m still scared. And I’m going to be scared at 18 weeks, and I’m going to be scared at 24, and I’m going to be scared at 30. And I’m going to be scared the minute they pull him out and say, ‘He’s here. He’s a boy.’ Because as a parent, there’s not guarantee.”
But I love my baby, I love my family. I wanted more. It’s just something to tackle. You have to make that decision for yourself if the risk is worth the reward. For us, it has been twice. It’s hard, but it’s so worth it.