Key to siblings getting along

Pamela Varady, PsyD Psychologist and Family Coach, shares advice for parents on the best methods to help siblings get along with each other
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Key to siblings getting along

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The best tool to help siblings get along is descriptive praise. Often what siblings are hearing is everything they're doing wrong. Why did you hit your brother? Why did you take her doll? Why did you wake up your sister? Why did you take her food off her plate? That's what they're hearing all day long. As parents we forgot to notice the good. Descriptive praise means notice the good and praise. So take out that parental magnifying glass and notice all the little things that your sibling children are doing well. So, I love the way that you helped your little brother read. I love the way that you shared your cookie with your brother. That's being such a good brother. That shows how kind you are. I love the way when mommy asked you to help get your little brother into bed, you did it right away and you knew exactly how to calm him down. You're really compassionate. Descriptive praise is the number one tool to shape good sibling behavior. Mostly what we do is criticize. You need to give the children at least 10 descriptive praise statements a day. And you can do it to both siblings at the same time. Wow! Both of you are sitting here eating. Nobody's fighting. You guys are great siblings. Thank you. Something like that.

Pamela Varady, PsyD Psychologist and Family Coach, shares advice for parents on the best methods to help siblings get along with each other

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Pamela Varady, PsyD

Psychologist

Dr. Pamela Varady is a Child and Adult Psychologist and sought-after parenting expert. She has appeared as a relationship expert on NBC, Discovery Health Network, The Today Show and Fox TV.  Dr. Varady wrote a workbook, 15 Minutes To Sibling Harmony and conducts seminars and Purposeful Parenting Classes throughout Southern California. In addition, Dr. Varady operates Dynamic Learning and Listening Center for children with special needs with her husband, Dr. Jackson Varady and sister, Dr. Jennifer Glasser, who are also psychologists. Pamela lives in Santa Monica with her husband and 13 year old twin boys.

 

 

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