Finding birth parents

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Finding birth parents

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It can often be scary or unnerving to an adoptive parent when their child wants to either go and find their birth parent or if they know where the birth parent is, they want to see them and spend time with them. And it’s just really not born out in the research that there’s anything really to be afraid of. When grown adoptees are going to seek their birth parents to have a reunion – as my mentor in adoption Renee Baron who wrote a book on adoption used to say to me – “You know, they’re not looking for a replacement for you. They’re looking for a face that looks like theirs. They’re looking for someone who looks like them, who feels like them genetically, but really emotionally, their ties are still with their adoptive parents.” So when you have a younger child who wants to do the same thing, it’s really the same thing. You want to follow their lead. And if they’re really showing you that they’re feeling that need to have that connection, I’m often saying to parents, “Grow bigger shoulders. Don’t take it personally. You will deepen your relationship by supporting them and letting them see you are big enough and secure enough to support them in that.”

Watch Marcy Axness, PhD's video on Finding birth parents...

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Marcy Axness, PhD

Childhood Development Specialist

Marcy Axness, PhD, is an early development specialist, popular international speaker, and author of Parenting for Peace: Raising the Next Generation of Peacemakers. She is a top blogger at Mothering.com and a member of their expert panel. Featured in several documentary films as an expert in adoption, prenatal development and Waldorf education, Dr. Axness has a private practice coaching parents-in-progress. She considers as one of her most important credentials that she raised two peacemakers to share with the world -- Ian and Eve, both in their 20s. 

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