Adoptive bonding

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Adoptive bonding

So there's a lot of talk about bonding in adoption. And one thing I like to make clear to parents is that bonding is a biological process and it happens between a baby and its biological mother in a short window of time after birth. So really what we're talking about in adoption is creating a healthy attachment, which is a psychosocial process. And one of the best ways to lay a foundation for healthy attachment is for the adoptive parent to really be able to hold in his or her consciousness what the child has really gone through. So if it's an infant adoption, the infant, the newborn was separated from his or her mother at birth, that is a painful bio-neurological experience. So the parent can hold the baby and say, "Yeah you really miss your connection. I don't smell right, I don't heartbeat right, but I'm here for you and I'm glad we're together." Or if it's an older child who's come out of foster care, same thing. It's the same principle, to really just hold your child's own experience and out of that, let empathy grow, and that's a ground for attachment.

View Marcy Axness, PhD's video on Adoptive bonding...


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Marcy Axness, PhD

Childhood Development Specialist

Marcy Axness, PhD, is an early development specialist, popular international speaker, and author of Parenting for Peace: Raising the Next Generation of Peacemakers. She is a top blogger at and a member of their expert panel. Featured in several documentary films as an expert in adoption, prenatal development and Waldorf education, Dr. Axness has a private practice coaching parents-in-progress. She considers as one of her most important credentials that she raised two peacemakers to share with the world -- Ian and Eve, both in their 20s. 

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