Advice for becoming a step-mom

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Advice for becoming a step-mom

So the role of a step-mom is both challenging and incredibly exciting. You have these new relationships that you're entering into. So I think a few things are important. One, you're the parent. You're the parent. You're not sometimes the parent. You're always there. So make sure you set your posture as being the parent. Include yourself in all the conversations that happen in the home. Be a part of the decisions that are being made about the kids. There's a fine line between being friends with your stepchildren and being their parent. I think when you're initially bonding, it's important to go as slow as you would with a new friendship, but always maintain that you are the parent. Create new traditions with your stepchildren. Find ways to connect with them that are just between the two or three of you. Make sure that the kids know that they never have to choose between you and their real mom. Make sure they know that you love them, and that you'll wait until they find it to be okay to love you back. There's no rush. There's no hurry. It's better to be in a relationship with kids who are more cautious about you than ones that throw themselves at you initially and then worry that they've crossed some line. So make sure that you're creating a safe space for the kids to come and love you. And then back up a little bit. And then come in and bond with you, and then back up a little bit. Come in and connect, until finally you've created this perfect rhythm that's between you and each one of your new children.

View Vicki Hoefle's video on Advice for becoming a step-mom...


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Vicki Hoefle

Professional Parent Educator

Vicki Hoefle is a professional parent educator with over 20 years experience teaching parents, educators and caregivers how to raise respectful, responsible and resilient children. Hoefle combines her expertise in Adlerian Psychology and as an International Coaching Federation certified coach to bring parents Duct Tape Parenting, a sustainable and proactive parenting strategy that provides time-tested tools for harvesting a happy and peaceful family life. Her informative and highly engaging presentation style keeps her in demand as a speaker, facilitator and educator. Hoefle is a mother of six and lives in Middlebury, Vermont.

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