Dealing with an ex with a different parenting style

Watch Video: Dealing with an ex with a different parenting style by Vicki Hoefle, ...
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Dealing with an ex with a different parenting style

An ex who parents very differently than you can be incredibly frustrating. You have this routine in your home, you send your kids away for a couple of days. They come back and they're a mess. They haven't been to bed. They haven't eaten. And you've got to put all the pieces together. The truth is, there's nothing you can do about that. You have no influence over the ex. But there are some things that you want to do. First, you never want to say anything derogatory about the ex, because it puts your kids in a position of trying to realign their loyalties. The relationship they have with the other parent is between your kids and them unless it is morally or physically dangerous in the home. The second thing you can do, and this is something we did when we got my kids after a long weekend, is we had a quick family meeting. We kind of debriefed. And we came up with a strategy for re-entry. So they could kind of talk about we got to stay up until midnight. And we got to eat the pizza. And I would cringe, but I would take it in, and I would let it go. And then I would say, okay, so here's re-entry. So what are the agreements that we have for our family? And why did we come up with those agreements? So when we get home, how do we want to come together as a family to start our week together? And this really helped the kids separate between the two homes. Above and beyond that I think you have to be really careful that you don't put your kids in the middle and they're starting to think that they can't share what's going on at the other home because you really want them to feel comfortable in sharing so that you have a real feel for what's happening when they're not in your care.

Watch Video: Dealing with an ex with a different parenting style by Vicki Hoefle, ...


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Vicki Hoefle

Professional Parent Educator

Vicki Hoefle is a professional parent educator with over 20 years experience teaching parents, educators and caregivers how to raise respectful, responsible and resilient children. Hoefle combines her expertise in Adlerian Psychology and as an International Coaching Federation certified coach to bring parents Duct Tape Parenting, a sustainable and proactive parenting strategy that provides time-tested tools for harvesting a happy and peaceful family life. Her informative and highly engaging presentation style keeps her in demand as a speaker, facilitator and educator. Hoefle is a mother of six and lives in Middlebury, Vermont.

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