Looking inward instead of using an outside source

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Looking inward instead of using an outside source

I think today it's so easy to find information about parenting that our propensity is to look outside before we look inside. And this generally starts when kids are young and we run into that first challenge. They won't sleep, they won't eat, they're a little bit fussy. You call a parenting coach, you pick up a book, you try what they suggest. Oh, it didn't work. And you start to lose a little bit of confidence. You pick up another book. You ask a friend. You try a blog. Oh, that didn't work. And over time, you really start to lose that confidence. It's tough parenting even when you feel like a rock star. But if you have a challenge that starts when you have a toddler, you can create a cycle where you're always looking out for information instead of learning how to trust yourself. So when I work with parents, I say, I suggest, I encourage them to stop going out for a while. And just to start to assess what's going on in their homes. And that starts with paying attention to what they do, how they respond to their children, what kinds of triggers they have, writing things down and starting to notice. But what really makes the difference is helping parents create a road map for themselves. This is where my family is now. This is the of parent I am today. These are the challenges that we're facing. And over the next week or two weeks or three weeks, this is where I'd like to see some progress, and these are the changes that I'm going to make, and here's the change that I hope to see in my child. At the end of a week or two weeks or three weeks, I'm going to stop and I'm going to look, and I'm going to ask myself,has there been progress? Has there been improvement? And usually there is. And once a parent starts to recognize that by having a simple road map to help direct their actions, they can start to take more control of the decisions they make as a parent, their confidence returns. And when their confidence returns, they don't need to look outside as often any longer.

Watch Vicki Hoefle's video on Looking inward instead of using an outside source...


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Vicki Hoefle

Professional Parent Educator

Vicki Hoefle is a professional parent educator with over 20 years experience teaching parents, educators and caregivers how to raise respectful, responsible and resilient children. Hoefle combines her expertise in Adlerian Psychology and as an International Coaching Federation certified coach to bring parents Duct Tape Parenting, a sustainable and proactive parenting strategy that provides time-tested tools for harvesting a happy and peaceful family life. Her informative and highly engaging presentation style keeps her in demand as a speaker, facilitator and educator. Hoefle is a mother of six and lives in Middlebury, Vermont.

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