Difference between permissive and authoritarian parenting

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Difference between permissive and authoritarian parenting

So there are two pretty typical parenting styles parents use. The first is permissive, and this is generally described as freedom without order. The parent will oftentimes give into the child to avoid a temper tantrum, a pushback, or a meltdown. They oftentimes use bribes as a way to get their kids to do what they want. On the flip side is an authoritarian style of parenting where the child really has very few choices in life and parents use threats and consequences and demands when they hit road bumps with their children. In both cases, the kids miss the opportunity to learn some really valuable skills. One, how to cooperate with parents. Two, how to take responsibility for the things in their lives. The third alternative that's available to parents is what's called the democratic approach. And this balances freedom with order. So order is respectful to the parent, and freedom is respectful to the child. When you implement this what you create is a respectful, peaceful, balanced life with your kids. So here's an example - your daughter is throwing Cheerios off the table. In a permissive household, the parents would just pick it up and say, oh honey, we don't do that. And the child would do it day after day after day and the parents would just keep picking it up. In an authoritarian it might sound like if you throw those Cheerios down again, you're not getting anything till lunch. And they might remove the child and send them on their way. But 10 minutes later when the child is crying that they're hungry, the parent will indeed feed them. In a democratic approach what you'd say is you look like you're through. Because when people throw food off the table, it indicates they're done eating. I'll see you at lunchtime. They key is you follow through with what you say. The child leaves the table, but they approach you in 10 minutes saying my tummy is hungry, please feed me. And you say, you made a choice. You threw the food. That indicates your done. The next meal is at noon. So it's a win-win for everybody.

Watch Video: Difference between permissive and authoritarian parenting by Vicki Hoefle, ...


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Vicki Hoefle

Professional Parent Educator

Vicki Hoefle is a professional parent educator with over 20 years experience teaching parents, educators and caregivers how to raise respectful, responsible and resilient children. Hoefle combines her expertise in Adlerian Psychology and as an International Coaching Federation certified coach to bring parents Duct Tape Parenting, a sustainable and proactive parenting strategy that provides time-tested tools for harvesting a happy and peaceful family life. Her informative and highly engaging presentation style keeps her in demand as a speaker, facilitator and educator. Hoefle is a mother of six and lives in Middlebury, Vermont.

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