Avoiding projection of addiction onto children

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Avoiding projection of addiction onto children

There's a saying in recovery: I want what I want when I want it. And what it means is that as addicts, we have this desire; whatever we want, we want it immediately gratified. We want immediate gratification. Children naturally and appropriately act like that. Often times in recovery, when my children were small and they would behave in a certain way, somebody would remark, "Oh, that boy, he's a little addict." And I would say, "No. As a two-year old it's appropriate that he's acting like that." He want what he wants when he wants it because he's two. That's okay. For me, I understand the nature of the disease of addiction. I understand that it is hereditary. I understand that it is a family disease. But I also understand that by staying connected with my children, by being a woman in recovery, by being married to a man in recovery, we;re breaking the cycle and we're giving our children an opportunity to have a different life. I will never saddle them with the automatic disease of addiction because they're my children. And I will never take their appropriate child-like behavior to mean that they're going to be addicts when they grow up.

Watch Connor Barnas's video on Avoiding projection of addiction onto children...


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Connor Barnas


Connor Barnas is blessed and busy, living life with her husband Ethan and two children, Magdalena June, eight, and Augustus Wolfe, six in the midst of finding the sacred in the mundane and allowing space for serenity. After being given the gift of desperation, Connor began her life of recovery and discovery within the 12 Step paradigms in 1995. In 2002 she graduated from the University of New Mexico with a bachelor’s degree in Fine Art and married the love of her life, Ethan; moved to a beautiful, dusty, desert town; and began her journey as a wife and mother.  

In 2003, Connor co-founded an Attachment Parenting group, and became a leader shortly after.  Connor has been involved in the Attachment Parenting community as a leader and a resource, and was honored as a featured volunteer during Volunteer Recognition Week, April 2011 by Attachment Parenting International. 

After relocating and settling in Jacksonville, Florida, to be close to her family of origin, Connor founded HAP East, a local homeschooling group whose focus and mission is to create community and continuity of relationship for homeschooling/attachment parenting families. 

Connor joyfully shares her experience, strength and hope with families and friends in the recovery, homeschool, and AP communities; she combines the spiritual principles of the 12 steps with the practical and compassionate parenting strategies of API to inform her path and growth as a woman, mother, wife, and active member of her world. 

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