Supporting child's choice to dress as different gender

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Supporting child's choice to dress as different gender

I have to say that I would never discourage my son from dressing in girl's clothes if that's his desire. If that's what he would like to do. My deepest belief is that it will cause a disruption in the connection between the two of us. If I, somehow, believed that what he wants to do and how he wants to express himself is wrong, what does that mean for him on the inside? My experience has been he will internalize it. The internalization of shame like that -- My fear is that it would lead to cutting, to self-mutilation, to depression, to isolation. I know that the most important job I have with him is connection. That's it. As a mom, we want to maintain connection where he has a safe place to be. If I say, "Don't do that. Don't express yourself. Don't be true to who you are." What does that say about who he is and how I accept him?

View Connor Barnas's video on Supporting child's choice to dress as different gender...


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Connor Barnas


Connor Barnas is blessed and busy, living life with her husband Ethan and two children, Magdalena June, eight, and Augustus Wolfe, six in the midst of finding the sacred in the mundane and allowing space for serenity. After being given the gift of desperation, Connor began her life of recovery and discovery within the 12 Step paradigms in 1995. In 2002 she graduated from the University of New Mexico with a bachelor’s degree in Fine Art and married the love of her life, Ethan; moved to a beautiful, dusty, desert town; and began her journey as a wife and mother.  

In 2003, Connor co-founded an Attachment Parenting group, and became a leader shortly after.  Connor has been involved in the Attachment Parenting community as a leader and a resource, and was honored as a featured volunteer during Volunteer Recognition Week, April 2011 by Attachment Parenting International. 

After relocating and settling in Jacksonville, Florida, to be close to her family of origin, Connor founded HAP East, a local homeschooling group whose focus and mission is to create community and continuity of relationship for homeschooling/attachment parenting families. 

Connor joyfully shares her experience, strength and hope with families and friends in the recovery, homeschool, and AP communities; she combines the spiritual principles of the 12 steps with the practical and compassionate parenting strategies of API to inform her path and growth as a woman, mother, wife, and active member of her world. 

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