Giving your spouse space for addiction recovery

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Giving your spouse space for addiction recovery

My husband and I have the same clean time. We got married when we had seven years clean and had our first child together. And the most important thing that I have learned being a co-parent with somebody in recovery is that I’m not in charge of their recovery. The most important thing for me to do is take care of my recovery first. I cannot be my husband’s sponsor, I cannot nag him to go to meetings, I cannot ask him to call his sponsor, I cannot determine the nature of his recovery. The most important thing in our family for me to do to maintain the serenity and the peace for me to be a mom and to be an effective member of our family is that I have to put my recovery first. My sponsor has been married to her husband about 30 years and they have 32 years clean. And the biggest lesson I’ve gotten from that is nobody can manage another person’s recovery. It has to be the most important thing to me to manage my recovery and from that comes the ability to be a part of my family and my husband’s recovery has to take care of itself.

View Connor Barnas's video on Giving your spouse space for addiction recovery...


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Connor Barnas


Connor Barnas is blessed and busy, living life with her husband Ethan and two children, Magdalena June, eight, and Augustus Wolfe, six in the midst of finding the sacred in the mundane and allowing space for serenity. After being given the gift of desperation, Connor began her life of recovery and discovery within the 12 Step paradigms in 1995. In 2002 she graduated from the University of New Mexico with a bachelor’s degree in Fine Art and married the love of her life, Ethan; moved to a beautiful, dusty, desert town; and began her journey as a wife and mother.  

In 2003, Connor co-founded an Attachment Parenting group, and became a leader shortly after.  Connor has been involved in the Attachment Parenting community as a leader and a resource, and was honored as a featured volunteer during Volunteer Recognition Week, April 2011 by Attachment Parenting International. 

After relocating and settling in Jacksonville, Florida, to be close to her family of origin, Connor founded HAP East, a local homeschooling group whose focus and mission is to create community and continuity of relationship for homeschooling/attachment parenting families. 

Connor joyfully shares her experience, strength and hope with families and friends in the recovery, homeschool, and AP communities; she combines the spiritual principles of the 12 steps with the practical and compassionate parenting strategies of API to inform her path and growth as a woman, mother, wife, and active member of her world. 

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