Teaching narcissists improved communication

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Teaching narcissists improved communication

Another gift of communication that we'd like to teach the narcissist is one that they can also give as a gift to their children. When they use self disclosure, when they share things about themselves more again from the heart from the God. Not as part of performance. Being honest about that which scares. That which makes them feels sad or joyful or playful or silly, is all part of large spectrum of what makes children healthy and grow with that balance and integration. In the therapy relationship, if I use self disclosure of limited degree but I use some self disclosure to teach them to model for them because so often they didn't see it in their own lives. They didn't even see mutual respect. They don't know. They don't understand the idea of respect for one another. They understand grandstanding and self aggrandizing and everyone else becoming invisible but they they don't understand that other people have needs and feelings and a heart. And that there's an effect on them based on how they come across and when they're taking so much space in the room. One example of self disclosure in therapy might be the therapist answers the question directly . The narcissist might say: how would you feel if you were being criticized and you felt like you are doing the best you could do? I'll say I would feel badly but your style is to yell. To fight back and to counter attack. Maybe you could just offer that, it feels bad to me. I feel disappointed, I feel sad, I feel hurt. That's what I might do.

View Wendy T. Behary, LCSW's video on Teaching narcissists improved communication...


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Wendy T. Behary, LCSW

Psychotherapist & Author

With 25 years post-graduate training and advanced level certifications, Wendy Behary is the founder and director of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and The New Jersey Institute for Schema Therapy. She has been treating clients, training professionals and supervising psychotherapists for more than 20 years. Wendy is also on the faculty of the Cognitive Therapy Center and Schema Therapy Institute of New York, where she has trained and worked with Dr. Jeffrey Young since 1989. She is a founding fellow of The Academy of Cognitive Therapy (Dr. Aaron T. Beck). Wendy is also the President of the Executive Board of the International Society of Schema Therapy (ISST).

Wendy Behary has co-authored several chapters and articles on schema therapy and cognitive therapy. She is the author of the New Harbinger Publication (1st and upcoming 2nd edition) Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed. Wendy has a specialty in treating narcissists and the people who live with and deal with them. As an author and an expert on the subject of narcissism, she is a contributing chapter author of several chapters on schema therapy for narcissism. She lectures both nationally and internationally to professional and general audiences on schema therapy, and the subject of narcissism, relationships, and dealing with difficult people. Her work with industry has included speaking engagements focused on interpersonal conflict resolution. Her private practice is primarily devoted to treating narcissists, partners/people dealing with them, and couples experiencing relationship problems. She is also an expert in coaching individuals in interviewing, public speaking, and interpersonal skills enhancement.

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