Profile of a narcissistic mother

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Profile of a narcissistic mother

The narcissistic mother differs from the narcissistic father not completely, but some of the discernable characteristic is that the narcissistic mother has a great need for this child to fill her own needs. She needs to feel lovable, so instead of more of the energy being placed on making her child feel lovable, it’s the expectation that the child should make her feel good. Make her feel like a good mom, make her feel lovable, isn’t you’re mommy the best? Didn’t I do that so well for you, honey? Don’t you want to give your mom a great big hug for what I did for you? Wasn’t it special? And so there’s a lot more the child feeling as one of my client once said, I have to hold the spotlight up on mom more of the times so that she is shining on center stage, and so I have this spotlight to carry; when not enough of that energy is distributed towards the child. Narcissistic mothers’ also plays great deal of importance near vanity and how their child looks. Very often you’ll hear the teenage daughter complaining about how my mom is neither pleased with how I’m dressed; She’ll buy my clothes for me, she dresses me, it’s all about, not necessarily how I look, but how it makes her look. Narcissistic moms can be critical just like narcissistic fathers’ but less emphasis on performance, it’s more on appearance.

Watch Wendy T. Behary, LCSW's video on Profile of a narcissistic mother...


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Wendy T. Behary, LCSW

Psychotherapist & Author

With 25 years post-graduate training and advanced level certifications, Wendy Behary is the founder and director of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and The New Jersey Institute for Schema Therapy. She has been treating clients, training professionals and supervising psychotherapists for more than 20 years. Wendy is also on the faculty of the Cognitive Therapy Center and Schema Therapy Institute of New York, where she has trained and worked with Dr. Jeffrey Young since 1989. She is a founding fellow of The Academy of Cognitive Therapy (Dr. Aaron T. Beck). Wendy is also the President of the Executive Board of the International Society of Schema Therapy (ISST).

Wendy Behary has co-authored several chapters and articles on schema therapy and cognitive therapy. She is the author of the New Harbinger Publication (1st and upcoming 2nd edition) Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed. Wendy has a specialty in treating narcissists and the people who live with and deal with them. As an author and an expert on the subject of narcissism, she is a contributing chapter author of several chapters on schema therapy for narcissism. She lectures both nationally and internationally to professional and general audiences on schema therapy, and the subject of narcissism, relationships, and dealing with difficult people. Her work with industry has included speaking engagements focused on interpersonal conflict resolution. Her private practice is primarily devoted to treating narcissists, partners/people dealing with them, and couples experiencing relationship problems. She is also an expert in coaching individuals in interviewing, public speaking, and interpersonal skills enhancement.

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