How to recognize your soul-mate

Dr. John Gray discusses how men and women fall in love, and how to recognize when you've found your soulmate
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How to recognize your soul-mate

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People often wonder how do I know this is my soul-mate or will I know right away. Some people know right away and some people don´t. The bottom line is the more you know yourself, the more connected you are to your true self, you can recognize your soul-mate. And for most people, that´s a process of getting to know someone. And just because we don´t feel like we want to marry someone right away doesn´t mean they are not possibly our soul-mate. There needs to be levels of communication and chemistry that we experience. For me, it is generally a process of first physical attraction, then getting to know her and feeling an emotional attraction, emotional chemistry, affection, liking her and then a mental attraction, which is you find her interesting and you admire her thinking process. That´s physical, emotional, mental chemistry. If you have all three of those, then something may emerge. And thatps soul chemistry, and you realize oh my gosh, this is someone I want to share my life with or might want to share my life with and that´s the beginning of soul chemistry. And the reason it´s a soul-mate is the soul is the internal part of us, the part of us that doesn´t age. It has always been there, and when you connect with someone on that level, you feel like you want to be with them forever or at least for this lifetime. Now, for women, it happens a little differently. For women, it starts with mental chemistry. She finds a man intriguing, interesting, admirable. She is drawn to him in her mind first. Then, she starts to like him. She feels bonding, affection. Then, it becomes physical. So she has all three: mind chemistry, emotional chemistry, physical chemistry. And when she has all three, then she is able to connect with a sense of knowing he could be the one or he is the one. And so when you recognize your soul-mate, there is not a question in your mind is this my soul-mate. It is just a moment that happens when you are ready for it to happen. Much like if you drink a glass of cold, refreshing water, you go this is cool and refreshing. You just know it. Someone doesn´t have to tell you. They are not fitting a long list. There is an inner knowing and a confidence, and it is a glimpse. And that glimpse will go away. And that´s why we have to have realistic knowledge of that glimpse and now we have to go into the practices of good communication skills. We have to nurture a relationship, and we grow in love until we find that soul-mate connection again. And we sustain it so we are no longer falling in love, out of love, in love. That´s part the journey, but it´s that journey of coming back in love again and again that allows us to grow that love. So in a sense, my love for my wife has actually become more special because we have had arguments, we have had fights, we have had moments of having to forgive each other, we have had to sacrifice. I haven´t always gotten what I wanted right away, but I chose to compromise by making her more important than myself. It is at those moment. We are not being a doormat, but we are sacrificing for someone, that we are making them sacred. And that´s how love grows. Just like a parent when you have a child and you wake up in the middle of the night for your child, you don´t want to get up in the night but you do it because you love that child and because you did it, you grow in your ability to love that child. That´s what we realize. A relationship is not always about getting what you want but it is sometimes putting your wants to the side and giving to your partner and other times they do the same for you.

Dr. John Gray discusses how men and women fall in love, and how to recognize when you've found your soulmate

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Expert Bio

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John Gray, PhD

Best-Selling Author

John Gray is the leading relationship expert in the world. His relationship and health books have sold over 50 million copies in 50 different languages. His groundbreaking book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, is the best-selling non-fiction book of all time.

John helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships. His approach combines specific communication techniques with healthy, nutritional choices that create the brain and body chemistry for lasting health, happiness and romance. His many books, videos, workshops and seminars provide practical insights to effectively manage stress and improve relationships at all stages of life and love.

John also travels the world teaching communities and companies the best ways to improve their relationships and communication. He has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show many times as well as The Dr. Oz Show, The Today Show, CBS Morning Show, Good Morning America, The Early Show, The View, and many others. He has been profiled in Time, Forbes, USA Today and People.

John Gray lives in Northern California with his wife of 29 years, Bonnie. They have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. He is an avid follower of his own health and relationship advice.

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