The number one impediment to lasting relationships

Dr. John Gray describes the reasons marriages fail and what you can do to keep your own marriage strong
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The number one impediment to lasting relationships

The number one obstacle to lasting relationships, everybody will tell you, is not being able to communicate effectively in your relationship. But let's go a step deeper than that. What does it mean to not be able to communicate? It means not to be able to understand what your partner needs. And that's where it's so important to understand that men and women in many ways are very different. And when we come down to really what causes divorce or the lack of passion in a marriage, from the woman's side, he's not romantic, he's not affectionate, he no longer gives me his attention. And from the man's side, I don't feel successful. I can't make her happy. And we're not having sex. Sex drive is so important. After all is that what brings us together, the sexual chemistry? A lot of people we like. A lot of people we're happy with. But we don't feel the sexual chemistry. Sexual chemistry is very, very important, particularly to the man. But for the woman it's more the romantic feeling that generates the sexual chemistry. So we have to understand what are her needs so that she feels special, she feels understood, she feels heard. And he needs to get the messages from her. She needs to know what is most important to him, which is to feel successful. Here are three things she can say. Every day when he's talking, practice these three things. Good idea. You'll see him pause, and go, what did I say? Another one, that makes sense. A man will never get tired of a woman saying, that makes sense. He'll feel that you really see who he is. And another one is occasionally to say, you're right. Men cannot get enough of that. Now what it is that men need to understand about women? If I'm simplifying it down, these are just some helpful tips. If she's talking, look at her. Move your head a little bit. Occasionally say, uh-uh. When you want to say something, bite your tongue. Instead say, tell me more. What else? And then if something is confusing to you and you want to give a solution. Or she says, what do you think I should do, then pause, think, and then say, I really want to understand you better. Tell me more. the more women feel heard and seen, it literally stimulates the hormones that will give rise to romantic feelings later. It will also give rise to the hormones of testosterone that make men feel interested in her when he feels successful in making her happy.

Dr. John Gray describes the reasons marriages fail and what you can do to keep your own marriage strong


Expert Bio

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John Gray, PhD

Best-Selling Author

John Gray is the leading relationship expert in the world. His relationship and health books have sold over 50 million copies in 50 different languages. His groundbreaking book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, is the best-selling non-fiction book of all time.

John helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships. His approach combines specific communication techniques with healthy, nutritional choices that create the brain and body chemistry for lasting health, happiness and romance. His many books, videos, workshops and seminars provide practical insights to effectively manage stress and improve relationships at all stages of life and love.

John also travels the world teaching communities and companies the best ways to improve their relationships and communication. He has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show many times as well as The Dr. Oz Show, The Today Show, CBS Morning Show, Good Morning America, The Early Show, The View, and many others. He has been profiled in Time, Forbes, USA Today and People.

John Gray lives in Northern California with his wife of 29 years, Bonnie. They have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. He is an avid follower of his own health and relationship advice.

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