How to recognize the role your daughter is playing

Rosalind Wiseman, Author & Educator, shares advice for parents on how to tell what role your daughter is playing in her social group
Tips For Raising Girls | How To Recognize Your Daughter's Role
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How to recognize the role your daughter is playing

So girls can play different positions in their social groups. There’s the Queen Bee, where everything is, “You’re with me or you’re against me.” Then she has backup, you know, somebody, when they are together, they just seem completely, incredibly, mythologically powerful to other girls. Then there’s a please, the person who is constantly looking at them to see what she should do. Then, there is the banker, somebody, you know, who takes information about other girls and she sort of sits on it – like she puts it in her savings account – until she feels like she needs to dispense it to create conflict between the other girls. And then there’s the target. So what’s important though, is not to think about like, “Oh, this is who my daughter is.” It is to look at the behavior and say, “Okay, this is where she’s at right now.” And the other part is is that girls can be a Queen Bee in her neighborhood and be a pleaser at school, or vice versa. So what’s important again is for parents to think about these roles as a starting place for conversation, because girls… and nobody likes to be labeled and boxed in. And the other part is that if it’s a negative role, then you want the child to move, right? You want her to change roles. So as you want her to be the champion that I talked about, somebody who can speak out, speak truth to power, say to the girls, “You’re being mean and we have to stop.” So in order to get that to that place, we have to get the girls to feel like and see that they can do it. And so for that reason, I want the parents to be really, really careful about not labeling girls, as this is the way they’ll always be… who they always will be. It’s where they are right now.

Rosalind Wiseman, Author & Educator, shares advice for parents on how to tell what role your daughter is playing in her social group


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Rosalind Wiseman

Author & Educator

Rosalind Wiseman is an internationally recognized expert on children, teens, parenting, bullying, social justice, and ethical leadership. Rosalind is the author of Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World, the groundbreaking, fully-revised edition of her bestselling book that was the basis for the movie Mean Girls. Her follow-up book, Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads, addresses the social hierarchies and conflicts among parents and is now being made into a major motion picture by New Line Cinema. In 2010, Rosalind published the  young adult novel Boys, Girls, & Other Hazardous Materials, which was recognized by the American Library Association as one of their Most Popular Paperbacks for Young Adults.  She is now writing a set of companion books for boys and their parents, scheduled for publication in the Fall of 2013. In addition, Rosalind has written the Owning Up Curriculum, a comprehensive social justice program for grades 6-12 which is in widespread use across the country.  She writes the monthly “Ask Rosalind” column in Family Circle magazine, and is regular contributor to several blogs and websites. Also, Rosalind is a spokesperson for LG’s Text-Education Council that aims to inform parents about responsible monitoring of teen cell phone usage. Each year Rosalind works with tens of thousands of students, educators, parents, counselors, coaches, and administrators to create communities based on the belief that each person has a responsibility to treat themselves and others with dignity. In 2011, she was one of the principal speakers at the White House Summit on Bullying.  Other audiences have included the American School Counselors Association, International Chiefs of Police, American Association of School Administrators, and countless schools throughout the U.S. and abroad. National media regularly depends on Rosalind as the expert on ethical leadership, media literacy, and bullying prevention.  She is a consultant for Cartoon Network’s Speak Up, Stop Bullying campaign. She is a frequent guest on the Today Show, Anderson Cooper 360 and Dateline.  She has been profiled in The New York Times, People, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, USA Today, Oprah, Nightline, CNN, Good Morning America, and National Public Radio affiliates throughout the country. Rosalind holds a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science from Occidental College. She lives in Washington D.C. with her husband and two sons.

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