When your daughter doesn't get invited to the "big" party

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When your daughter doesn't get invited to the "big" party

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When your child doesn’t get invited to a social event or a party, it can really, really hurt. I mean, hurt to the point you’re like okay, this is ridiculous. I'm a grown person. I cannot believe. I'm so upset about my 9-year-old or my 13-year-old not being invited to a party. They you say to your child, well you can’t be invited to everything. You said the right thing, right? But you down deep like I hate this child that did not invite my kids at the party. Here’s the way I want you to think about. One is you’re right you’re not going to get invited to everything and your child needs to deal with that. The second is that you should never get on the phone with the parent who is having the party and say I really want my kid to be invited or angle in any way to get your child invited to a party. This is the reason why. First of all, you are telling your child by your actions because they know they weren’t invited. That it is so important that they go to the party, that there is something wrong with them if they don’t go, but the other thing is they frankly even worse is that you’re setting your kids up to being really, really not having a good time at that party because what’s going to happen is the parent is going to get the phone with the child. They’re going to say, we’re inviting Rosalind to the party now. The child’s going to say, “I don’t want to.” The parents will say, “Well , thats’ too bad. We’re doing it like just got a phone call from her mother. The day of the party comes and actually even before the party comes, the party girl goes over her friends and says, “This is so ridiculous. Rosalind got her mom to call, so now I have to invite her which means that when I get to the party and I'm not an invited one who is now invited, the girls are going to be incredibly mean to me, or at best, they’re going to ignore me which means that you as a parent of the uninvited child have actually created a situation where your child is going to again be told in all different kinds of ways that they don’t belong into the party. That is not something you want to teach your child. If you want way if you really feel that the child is devastated and frankly you’re going to check yourself about who’s more devastated, you or the child. If you are really, really, really think you’re struggling, then go to a movie during the time that the party is going on, so that your child can actually experience the fact that there is life beyond this party.

Watch Rosalind Wiseman 's video on When your daughter doesn't get invited to the "big" party...

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Expert Bio

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Rosalind Wiseman

Author & Educator

Rosalind Wiseman is an internationally recognized expert on children, teens, parenting, bullying, social justice, and ethical leadership. Rosalind is the author of Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World, the groundbreaking, fully-revised edition of her bestselling book that was the basis for the movie Mean Girls. Her follow-up book, Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads, addresses the social hierarchies and conflicts among parents and is now being made into a major motion picture by New Line Cinema. In 2010, Rosalind published the  young adult novel Boys, Girls, & Other Hazardous Materials, which was recognized by the American Library Association as one of their Most Popular Paperbacks for Young Adults.  She is now writing a set of companion books for boys and their parents, scheduled for publication in the Fall of 2013. In addition, Rosalind has written the Owning Up Curriculum, a comprehensive social justice program for grades 6-12 which is in widespread use across the country.  She writes the monthly “Ask Rosalind” column in Family Circle magazine, and is regular contributor to several blogs and websites. Also, Rosalind is a spokesperson for LG’s Text-Education Council that aims to inform parents about responsible monitoring of teen cell phone usage. Each year Rosalind works with tens of thousands of students, educators, parents, counselors, coaches, and administrators to create communities based on the belief that each person has a responsibility to treat themselves and others with dignity. In 2011, she was one of the principal speakers at the White House Summit on Bullying.  Other audiences have included the American School Counselors Association, International Chiefs of Police, American Association of School Administrators, and countless schools throughout the U.S. and abroad. National media regularly depends on Rosalind as the expert on ethical leadership, media literacy, and bullying prevention.  She is a consultant for Cartoon Network’s Speak Up, Stop Bullying campaign. She is a frequent guest on the Today Show, Anderson Cooper 360 and Dateline.  She has been profiled in The New York Times, People, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, USA Today, Oprah, Nightline, CNN, Good Morning America, and National Public Radio affiliates throughout the country. Rosalind holds a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science from Occidental College. She lives in Washington D.C. with her husband and two sons.

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