Advice for your daughter's first crush

Rosalind Wiseman, Author & Educator shares advice for parents on how to best respond when your daughter has her first crush, and how to make her feel comfortable to discuss it openly with you
Advice For Your Daughter's First Crush
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Advice for your daughter's first crush

When your daughter has her first crush, you might not know about it. Or you might find out about it from one of her annoying siblings who tells you, and then you have to decide if you're going to tell her if you know about this life altering, life shattering experience that she's going through. The thing that I think is the most important is to not minimize it. Not to say, "it's the little crush." Or "I remember when this was happening, it's just puppy love." All those things - because all that makes her feel like you're not respecting her experience. And what's really important if we want our daughters and sons to come and talk to us about their conflicts and struggles with kids, or anything that's going on in their life, is that we have to come across as if we are listening to them and acknowledge their experience as important to them. So if we superficialize what's going on with them, if we say, "oh I'm sure you'll have another crush tomorrow." Or if her crush doesn't talk to her and she's upset about it. It's just extremely important not to minimize it.To say something like, "wow! That's terrible. I'm really really sorry. If you want to talk about it, you can, but I totally respect your privacy. So anytime you want to talk about it, I'm here." And then run away. Because it's really important to leave little crumbs for your kids, so they know that you see them, you hear them, but also that you respect them. And you respect that you need their own time to process these moments that are just so excruciating to go through. When it's your first crush, it's like maybe you want to talk to your mom, but maybe you don't. Maybe you want to talk to somebody else. And maybe you don't want to talk to anybody because it's so embarrassing. So the most important thing is to really see where your child is at and respect that.

Rosalind Wiseman, Author & Educator shares advice for parents on how to best respond when your daughter has her first crush, and how to make her feel comfortable to discuss it openly with you


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Rosalind Wiseman

Author & Educator

Rosalind Wiseman is an internationally recognized expert on children, teens, parenting, bullying, social justice, and ethical leadership. Rosalind is the author of Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World, the groundbreaking, fully-revised edition of her bestselling book that was the basis for the movie Mean Girls. Her follow-up book, Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads, addresses the social hierarchies and conflicts among parents and is now being made into a major motion picture by New Line Cinema. In 2010, Rosalind published the  young adult novel Boys, Girls, & Other Hazardous Materials, which was recognized by the American Library Association as one of their Most Popular Paperbacks for Young Adults.  She is now writing a set of companion books for boys and their parents, scheduled for publication in the Fall of 2013. In addition, Rosalind has written the Owning Up Curriculum, a comprehensive social justice program for grades 6-12 which is in widespread use across the country.  She writes the monthly “Ask Rosalind” column in Family Circle magazine, and is regular contributor to several blogs and websites. Also, Rosalind is a spokesperson for LG’s Text-Education Council that aims to inform parents about responsible monitoring of teen cell phone usage. Each year Rosalind works with tens of thousands of students, educators, parents, counselors, coaches, and administrators to create communities based on the belief that each person has a responsibility to treat themselves and others with dignity. In 2011, she was one of the principal speakers at the White House Summit on Bullying.  Other audiences have included the American School Counselors Association, International Chiefs of Police, American Association of School Administrators, and countless schools throughout the U.S. and abroad. National media regularly depends on Rosalind as the expert on ethical leadership, media literacy, and bullying prevention.  She is a consultant for Cartoon Network’s Speak Up, Stop Bullying campaign. She is a frequent guest on the Today Show, Anderson Cooper 360 and Dateline.  She has been profiled in The New York Times, People, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, USA Today, Oprah, Nightline, CNN, Good Morning America, and National Public Radio affiliates throughout the country. Rosalind holds a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science from Occidental College. She lives in Washington D.C. with her husband and two sons.

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