Should I worry if my child is pulling away?

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Should I worry if my child is pulling away?

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So sometimes as our kids are getting older they pull away from us and it can be hard to know if they're pulling away because it's appropriate and it's totally, developmentally fine or if they are really running of the rails and they're hiding things from us and that is so scary. So one of the things I would look at is if your child one really good friend that they feel really good about because one of the things that parents sometimes make a mistake about is that they think the more friends they have the better and more happy that child's life going to be and that's not the case. Lots of times kids can be and have large groups of friends and not be doing very well within that large group of friends that looks like they are. Then there was another kid that has one friend and the parent's all freaking out because; oh my gosh they only have one friend they may be really lonely. That's not true. What's important to the children to have one relationship that they feel good about and so if you’re in a situation that you really worried about what's going on, what I would say to your children are 2 things. On I could say; look, I want to respect your privacy and I am respecting your privacy about this but I am so worried about some of the things that I am seeing and I will be specific about what these things are that I'm thinking something is really wrong and I need some information from you about that. I need to feel like I have that some information from you. The second that you could do is you could find an ally. Somebody who is not you, who is somebody that you trust and you think that has good on their shoulders who can go out with your kid, go for a hike, go to a movie, go anywhere and then they're walking somewhere and they say; I just want to check in with you. Is everything okay? Now you kid might say; did my Mom put you up to this? And they could say; yeah, she did because she recognizes there probably is annoying to talk to your Mom or your Dad about this and sometimes you don't want to talk to your parents. So yeah I care about you enough that I am coming and talking to you about this. It's not a terrible thing that your parents set up another adult to go talk this child what's important that the child would feel like they're valued, that they're loved and they're seen. And if that ally can do that, then that's the safety net that you need for your child.

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Rosalind Wiseman

Author & Educator

Rosalind Wiseman is an internationally recognized expert on children, teens, parenting, bullying, social justice, and ethical leadership. Rosalind is the author of Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World, the groundbreaking, fully-revised edition of her bestselling book that was the basis for the movie Mean Girls. Her follow-up book, Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads, addresses the social hierarchies and conflicts among parents and is now being made into a major motion picture by New Line Cinema. In 2010, Rosalind published the  young adult novel Boys, Girls, & Other Hazardous Materials, which was recognized by the American Library Association as one of their Most Popular Paperbacks for Young Adults.  She is now writing a set of companion books for boys and their parents, scheduled for publication in the Fall of 2013. In addition, Rosalind has written the Owning Up Curriculum, a comprehensive social justice program for grades 6-12 which is in widespread use across the country.  She writes the monthly “Ask Rosalind” column in Family Circle magazine, and is regular contributor to several blogs and websites. Also, Rosalind is a spokesperson for LG’s Text-Education Council that aims to inform parents about responsible monitoring of teen cell phone usage. Each year Rosalind works with tens of thousands of students, educators, parents, counselors, coaches, and administrators to create communities based on the belief that each person has a responsibility to treat themselves and others with dignity. In 2011, she was one of the principal speakers at the White House Summit on Bullying.  Other audiences have included the American School Counselors Association, International Chiefs of Police, American Association of School Administrators, and countless schools throughout the U.S. and abroad. National media regularly depends on Rosalind as the expert on ethical leadership, media literacy, and bullying prevention.  She is a consultant for Cartoon Network’s Speak Up, Stop Bullying campaign. She is a frequent guest on the Today Show, Anderson Cooper 360 and Dateline.  She has been profiled in The New York Times, People, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, USA Today, Oprah, Nightline, CNN, Good Morning America, and National Public Radio affiliates throughout the country. Rosalind holds a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science from Occidental College. She lives in Washington D.C. with her husband and two sons.

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