When your daughter is a follower

Rosalind Wiseman, Author and Educator, shares advice for parents on tips for teaching your daughter to be independent and not follow a mean girl around
Parenting Tips | Teaching Your Daughter To Not Be A Follower
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When your daughter is a follower

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One of the most excruciatingly difficult experiences of the parent, is to watch you child follows somebody, another kid who is horrible and who's mean. Then sometimes they'll be really mean to your kid and them your child would say; Oh I'm so upset, I am so upset and then be really upset and then come home and tell you and then you've talked about it and you think your child has got into a place where they understand they should stop following this child around and then the next day you see them playing. The next day you pick them up the carpool and there is that kid next to your kid and your kid is still mimicking or following the child around. It drives you crazy as a parent, and it's totally normal that you would feel this way. Here's the problem, it's a long term process. There is nothing I am going to be able to say to you in one second where your child stop following people around, but this is a very important issue because your child follows around a girl at 12 is a same set of lack of boundaries that are going to impact her when she starts dating people. It's important that we sit down with your daughter and you say; Okay, what are the top 3 things you had to have in a friendship and your child would probably say, loyalty, trust and be myself because pretty much all could say that and then you say okay, you write down the top 3 things that comes out of your mind about the person that you are always in conflict with that you are in a relationship with. You can't say follow because they'll eventually get out of you. Then you say; Okay, comparing contrasts in this lists. Are you getting in this friendship what you say you had to have and if you're not getting that why are you in the friendship? Now you're not going to get your child to agree with you 100% about this at that moment. All you want to do is sit there and have that child think about that list and let them be uncomfortable. Because you are on a long term process of establishing your child's boundaries. Not you boundaries your child's boundaries, and they can see what they stand for and they're not getting it. They much are hoping for is that the process they get more and more and more uncomfortable to the relationship and then through that they start developing boundaries where they can finally say I will not be in this kinds of relationships anymore.

Rosalind Wiseman, Author and Educator, shares advice for parents on tips for teaching your daughter to be independent and not follow a mean girl around

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Rosalind Wiseman

Author & Educator

Rosalind Wiseman is an internationally recognized expert on children, teens, parenting, bullying, social justice, and ethical leadership. Rosalind is the author of Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World, the groundbreaking, fully-revised edition of her bestselling book that was the basis for the movie Mean Girls. Her follow-up book, Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads, addresses the social hierarchies and conflicts among parents and is now being made into a major motion picture by New Line Cinema. In 2010, Rosalind published the  young adult novel Boys, Girls, & Other Hazardous Materials, which was recognized by the American Library Association as one of their Most Popular Paperbacks for Young Adults.  She is now writing a set of companion books for boys and their parents, scheduled for publication in the Fall of 2013. In addition, Rosalind has written the Owning Up Curriculum, a comprehensive social justice program for grades 6-12 which is in widespread use across the country.  She writes the monthly “Ask Rosalind” column in Family Circle magazine, and is regular contributor to several blogs and websites. Also, Rosalind is a spokesperson for LG’s Text-Education Council that aims to inform parents about responsible monitoring of teen cell phone usage. Each year Rosalind works with tens of thousands of students, educators, parents, counselors, coaches, and administrators to create communities based on the belief that each person has a responsibility to treat themselves and others with dignity. In 2011, she was one of the principal speakers at the White House Summit on Bullying.  Other audiences have included the American School Counselors Association, International Chiefs of Police, American Association of School Administrators, and countless schools throughout the U.S. and abroad. National media regularly depends on Rosalind as the expert on ethical leadership, media literacy, and bullying prevention.  She is a consultant for Cartoon Network’s Speak Up, Stop Bullying campaign. She is a frequent guest on the Today Show, Anderson Cooper 360 and Dateline.  She has been profiled in The New York Times, People, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, USA Today, Oprah, Nightline, CNN, Good Morning America, and National Public Radio affiliates throughout the country. Rosalind holds a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science from Occidental College. She lives in Washington D.C. with her husband and two sons.

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