What to do when daughters pull away

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What to do when daughters pull away

One of the most painful about being a parent of a twin or a teen is when they start rejecting you. When they don't want to spend much time with you. When they don't think what you were saying is particularly valuable. When they sigh and roll their eyes whenever you say anything. It's really hard and it can really feel like one of those important relationships of your life is being taken away from you. In order to feel better you can't take away that feeling of rejection but first of all I want you to not take it personally because it really isn't about you yourself, it's about the relationship. It's about your child's going through a process of individuating from you and moving away from you. The thing that I don't want you to do is try and push really hard to maintain that relationship because the more you push the they're going to pull away and the more sometimes I think they're not going to acknowledge or appreciate the things that you do for them. If you want to spend time with them and they're blowing you off like I want to do this with my friend or whatever. I think it is totally appropriate to say I want you to spend time with your friends I want to take away the time with you spending time with your friends, but there is time that I want to spend time with you together as a family and or there is time that I want to spend with you alone. Now usually I think works better is if you say it to girls and also to boys is; do you want to go to lunch? Because lunch has a fainéant beginning and a fainéant end and so the kids don't usually feel like; Oh there's all these stuffs that are going on that I am missing out. As your kids go older they get more of more of a problem. In plus you are feeding them so it's good. What I really feel like if you tell them that you want to go to lunch that is a time for you all to reconnect, but the child's not feeling like; Oh and I'm missing all these stuff and again don't take it personally. It is a natural process that they're going through and you're going to have to go through that every step of the way.

Watch Rosalind Wiseman 's video on What to do when daughters pull away...


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Rosalind Wiseman

Author & Educator

Rosalind Wiseman is an internationally recognized expert on children, teens, parenting, bullying, social justice, and ethical leadership. Rosalind is the author of Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World, the groundbreaking, fully-revised edition of her bestselling book that was the basis for the movie Mean Girls. Her follow-up book, Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads, addresses the social hierarchies and conflicts among parents and is now being made into a major motion picture by New Line Cinema. In 2010, Rosalind published the  young adult novel Boys, Girls, & Other Hazardous Materials, which was recognized by the American Library Association as one of their Most Popular Paperbacks for Young Adults.  She is now writing a set of companion books for boys and their parents, scheduled for publication in the Fall of 2013. In addition, Rosalind has written the Owning Up Curriculum, a comprehensive social justice program for grades 6-12 which is in widespread use across the country.  She writes the monthly “Ask Rosalind” column in Family Circle magazine, and is regular contributor to several blogs and websites. Also, Rosalind is a spokesperson for LG’s Text-Education Council that aims to inform parents about responsible monitoring of teen cell phone usage. Each year Rosalind works with tens of thousands of students, educators, parents, counselors, coaches, and administrators to create communities based on the belief that each person has a responsibility to treat themselves and others with dignity. In 2011, she was one of the principal speakers at the White House Summit on Bullying.  Other audiences have included the American School Counselors Association, International Chiefs of Police, American Association of School Administrators, and countless schools throughout the U.S. and abroad. National media regularly depends on Rosalind as the expert on ethical leadership, media literacy, and bullying prevention.  She is a consultant for Cartoon Network’s Speak Up, Stop Bullying campaign. She is a frequent guest on the Today Show, Anderson Cooper 360 and Dateline.  She has been profiled in The New York Times, People, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, USA Today, Oprah, Nightline, CNN, Good Morning America, and National Public Radio affiliates throughout the country. Rosalind holds a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science from Occidental College. She lives in Washington D.C. with her husband and two sons.

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