How parents' subconscious feelings play out

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How parents' subconscious feelings play out

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Checking your baggage is what I challenge parents to do when they are trying to think through a problem they’ve got with their kids. And the reason is because I want parents to think about their reactions. Why are they reacting the way they are in a given situation? Because a lot of times it really has to do with our own personal experiences. And how that then translates to the kid. So for example, and this is just one of so many. You know, what if you were teased when you were little? What was your reaction to that? And did people believe you? What did your parents say to you? And then, what are you saying to your child? Is it working? How do you know? One of these things that we’ve got to figure out as parents is are we talking to our children in a way that they can hear? Are we coming across as if we are seeing them and acknowledging their experience? Are we just letting our personal experiences absolutely cloud over our own children’s experiences and then we cannot help our kids? So we’ve got to be mindful of where we’re coming from so that we can be actually productive and meaningful in our child’s life. If we don’t – if we just let our reactions run around and run over our child – it’s not going to work. Our child is going to run away from us.

See Rosalind Wiseman 's video on How parents' subconscious feelings play out...

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Expert Bio

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Rosalind Wiseman

Author & Educator

Rosalind Wiseman is an internationally recognized expert on children, teens, parenting, bullying, social justice, and ethical leadership. Rosalind is the author of Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World, the groundbreaking, fully-revised edition of her bestselling book that was the basis for the movie Mean Girls. Her follow-up book, Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads, addresses the social hierarchies and conflicts among parents and is now being made into a major motion picture by New Line Cinema. In 2010, Rosalind published the  young adult novel Boys, Girls, & Other Hazardous Materials, which was recognized by the American Library Association as one of their Most Popular Paperbacks for Young Adults.  She is now writing a set of companion books for boys and their parents, scheduled for publication in the Fall of 2013. In addition, Rosalind has written the Owning Up Curriculum, a comprehensive social justice program for grades 6-12 which is in widespread use across the country.  She writes the monthly “Ask Rosalind” column in Family Circle magazine, and is regular contributor to several blogs and websites. Also, Rosalind is a spokesperson for LG’s Text-Education Council that aims to inform parents about responsible monitoring of teen cell phone usage. Each year Rosalind works with tens of thousands of students, educators, parents, counselors, coaches, and administrators to create communities based on the belief that each person has a responsibility to treat themselves and others with dignity. In 2011, she was one of the principal speakers at the White House Summit on Bullying.  Other audiences have included the American School Counselors Association, International Chiefs of Police, American Association of School Administrators, and countless schools throughout the U.S. and abroad. National media regularly depends on Rosalind as the expert on ethical leadership, media literacy, and bullying prevention.  She is a consultant for Cartoon Network’s Speak Up, Stop Bullying campaign. She is a frequent guest on the Today Show, Anderson Cooper 360 and Dateline.  She has been profiled in The New York Times, People, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, USA Today, Oprah, Nightline, CNN, Good Morning America, and National Public Radio affiliates throughout the country. Rosalind holds a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science from Occidental College. She lives in Washington D.C. with her husband and two sons.

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